A few thoughts pre-concert

Well, my next cabaret concert is this Sunday, Sept. 30th.  I had what passes for the dress rehearsal today.  I say "passes for" because it was just the music, none of the patter.  I would have liked to run the whole thing but Glenn was pressed for time.  Arturo listened and gave lots of good feedback--he's such a perceptive coach.  Still, I'm feeling underprepared, since I haven't had a chance to really run through the whole thing, with piano, with talk. 

I get a lot of adrenaline from doing these things, and I always try to do my best--better than my best, really.  I feel I have a lot to share, and that I make the sharing entertaining.  Even if I just (just!) sat on a stool in front of an audience and sang songs, it would still be a fun evening, because Glenn and I work hard, the music is great, and my voice is good.  The context and the talking--the whole "cabaret ethic" takes it to a more important level.  It's more like performance art.

So why is it so hard to get an audience?  Is it really all attributable to this being NC and not NYC?  I've heard that anatomy is destiny, but does location have to be destiny, too?  Somehow, I get the feeling that even if I spent $1000 rehearsing and taking out ads and papering the usual spots with full color flyers and anything else, I'd still get the same turnout: 20 people minimum, 40 maximum.  Last time, it wasn't even that many: I think there were 12 people in the audience, and two were Arturo and Laura (husband and daughter).  It's very discouraging.  But when I think of NOT doing this again, that isn't tenable, either.  Yes, it's a bottomless pit of money and time, and it's frustrating.  But singing and presenting concerts also gives me great highs.  I've had such good rehearsals with Glenn!  We finally seem to understand each other, and are able to communicate without someone getting prickly about it.  He makes me think in new and exciting ways about music, and he finally respects my talent and insights, too.  Gosh, it's SUCH a wondrous thing---really, if I'm honest, what I was born to do.  This nurse stuff just pays the bills.  Singing is my soul.

So, I'm hoping with all my might that I'll look out at a packed room on Sunday, because that's a lot better than the alternative.  But no matter how many show up, I'll do my damnedest to please you, to make you laugh, to make you think, to entertain you and to show you my love.  I'll remember all those invigorating rehearsals, the laughs, the sense of wonder and discovery when an arrangement or interpretation "clicks".  I'll be "in the moment", as they say, and I will give EVERYTHING to my performance, my audience, and my art.  Swear to God, cross my heart, scout's honor!