Ellen Talks, and Sings, and Other Things

Mother's Day! Concert!

2011-05-10T09:44:00.003-04:00

My family hosted a great Mother's Day for me. Nature cooperated by providing gorgeous weather. I worked out in the yard for a little bit in the morning. Then Laura came over and cooked a scrumptious brunch for me, Arturo, and herself: asparagus & leek quiche, salad, and iced lemon cupcakes with fresh strawberries on top. Add a bottle of champagne and there's a perfect meal! After she left, Diana & Griffin came over for a while. I got lots of books, including the new biography of Robert Redford, plus I got the new Paul Simon CD, "So Beautiful or So What", which I had been lusting for. It will make the ride to work today easier to give it an initial hearing.

Had a concert sponsored by the Durham Library last week. We did a repeat of the "Hearts in 3/4 Time" show and it was far better than at the first g0-round in February. Amazing what a little extra rehearsal time can do! Too bad the audience was so sparse (I think there were maybe 25 people) but for once it wasn't my responsibility to do publicity, so I'm trying to let go of the disappointing numbers.

I'm so grateful for my family and all the good things in my life!

Osama Bin Laden's death

2011-05-09T10:54:00.002-04:00

I'm posting some correspondence I had with a relative about the raid which resulted in the death of OBL.

My original Facebook stauts post:
From a speech, by MLK Jr., 8/16/67: "I'm concerned about a better world. I'm concerned about justice; I'm concerned about brotherhood; I'm concerned about truth. And when one is concerned about that, he can never advocate... violence. For through violence you may murder a murderer, but you can't murder murder. Through violence you may murder a liar, but you can't establish truth. Through violence you may murder a hater, but you can't murder hate through violence. Darkness cannot put out darkness; only light can do that."
**********************
My correspondent's response:
Hi Ellen,
I guess I should start with the obligatory...you know I love you and if we were sitting in a kitchen drinking tea I would be smiling, and calm and this would NOT be an 'argument starter'.
I am just so surprised by your comments regarding Bin Laden's death. You are a self proclaimed New Yorker and the man and his followers made New Yorkers and people all over the world live in fear wondering what evils would come our way by his hand. He master minded the attacks on New York that killed thousands. I saw families torn apart, friends going to many funerals and not to mention the FDNY who, by doing their jobs and being fearless, were killed trying to save others. It lead the news for months when in other parts of the ocuntry it was an after thought..a footnote following the news of that part of the country.
It was such a dark day for New York and Americans. I felt unsafe in large crowds and avoided going to the city for quite sometime. HE did all that to us!
I understand HATE is not a good emotion, but the man was pure evil and now he is no more. Understandably, there are others, who will glorify this evil into something wonderful and follow his path of destruction.
I just wanted you to know that although a few loved your comments and those of your friends...I venture to guess most people from NY didn't comment online for a reason.
***********************
And here is my response to her:
figure anyone who wants to comment, will, and anyone who wants to bitch about me privately will do that, too.

Please understand that I am not by any means underestimating the impact OBL's tentacles had on NYC and on the entire world. I despise what he did to thousands of innocent working people and heroic first responders. I have no doubt of his complete, unrepentant evil. Certainly nobody with that much blood on his hands deserves to be out walking around anyplace in the world. Most of the time I do not miss the so-called comforts of religion but occasionally I do wistfully long for the certainty of a heaven and a hell; it would be pleasing to think that the wicked were being punished for eternity. When I think of what the long-term effect of 9/11 has been on my city, our country, and our world, I could cry--in fact, I have cried. An entire thesaurus worth of epithets is not enough to describe the utter malevolence of this man and his followers. I agree 100% with everything you say about the evil he wrought.

What I also remember is the video footage of his followers burning flags and dancing in the streets after 9/11, and how it steeled America's resolve to take revenge. And what has come of it? Wasted money, wasted time. An all-volunteer military that is stretched to the limit with wars on multiple fronts. Horrible physical and psychological damage to those who come home from those wars. So many body bags that for years the government wouldn't allow them to be even photographed. Untold thousands of dead civilians. Ever-tightening circles of surveillance, agencies whose sole job is to monitor citizens like you and me, and a much-diminished political position in the world at large. Tragedy #2 of 9/11 is that America deliberately and systematically squandered the incredible store of international support and goodwill which that horrific day generated. The thing that set America apart from most other countries, up until somewhere around the turn of the 21st century, was our moral imperative. It's an intangible but very powerful asset, and it exists no more.

We can do a pretty good job of punishment here on earth if we so choose. Personally, I could think of a lot more horrible things than a quick death. I'd rather die than spend the rest of my life incarcerated. Kill someone and you can be as sure as sunrise that there is a faction that will elevate that person's execution to martyrdom.

I don't intend my thoughts to be a slap in the face to anyone, especially to my family or anyone who was affected by 9/11. I do not denigrate their fears, their sense of loss, and the upending their lives took. But (to say it again) I simply have no more stomach for violence. I don't see where it ever solves anything, not even on the smallest level. (By the way, do not confuse "violence" with "discipline"...I don't think any parent who whacks her kid's backside should be reported.) All it does is perpetuate the cycle of escalation, revenge, reprisal, and bitterness.

If you're still reading (which is likely but not assured!), I want to say I admire you for writing to me. It couldn't have been easy. You can share this as you see fit; perhaps those who are less understanding than you will get some small insight into how I am thinking, should they care to spend the time.

************
And that's all for this post. 'Nuff said.

Busy weekend, minus a voice

2011-04-10T23:49:00.003-04:00

I had a little cold last week, and woke up yesterday without a voice. All I can do is croak or whisper. It hasn't cramped my style at all--I feel fine, lots of energy--but gosh, it's annoying. Between my impaired volume and Arturo's impaired hearing, we're spending a lot of time saying "What?" to each other!

We went to Rick & Erin's annual joint birthday party on Saturday evening and watched a rather spectacular rainstorm from the safety of their home. I've never quite seen the sky look so ominous--and the thunder--and lightning--yikes, it was awful, and impressive. Fortunately by the time we drove home most of the spectacular stuff was over. There were a lot of branches down in the yard this morning; I guess storms like that are nature's way of pruning.

I've been working a lot in the garden, weeding the iris bed & laying down new mulch. Also fixing all the bricks in the edge. It's good work because the results are immediate and obvious; however, all the time I am working outside, all I see is more stuff that needs to be done. I could put in 2-3 hours per day for a year, I think, and still have stuff to do. There are so many demands on my free time, between the house and the yard and the kids and rehearsing, and book club, and crosswords, and all the things I want to read, and all the movies I want to see, and updating my website, and seeing friends, and EVERYTHING! It's all good stuff and I am so very blessed to have these things in my life but they can be overwhelming.

Another project that has been taking up my time is working on my CD. The editing is finished and I have a master copy. Now I am working on the cover & artwork. This is more of a headache than I had anticipated, not because my designer friend is unhelpful, but mostly because I am having trouble articulating what I want from him. When you get right down to it, I'm not even sure I know what I want! It's easier to say what I don't want, but that's not very useful. In reality, probably none of this agonizing matters very much, since--let's face it--we are talking about maybe 200 copies that will ever be "out there". But still, I'd like it to be something I'm proud to distribute in every way. I'm so happy with the audio quality and I'd like the packaging to be wonderful too.

That's it for now. I'm going to drink another cup of tea in the hope that it soothes my vocal cords, and go to bed. Love to all!

Working Girl

2011-04-05T22:46:00.002-04:00

It's been a busy time, what with shows to sing, holidays to celebrate, websites to update, etc. Obviously this blog has gotten shunted aside big time. But since I have a few extra minutes, I thought I'd jot down a few thoughts.

Here's thought #1: I wish I were rich. I'd do all the right things with money, like give some away, help my family, be philanthropic with my favorite causes, etc. And I'd travel! But the thing that would give me the most pleasure would be hiring people to do all the things that have to be done, that I hate doing. Like, cleaning the house. Tending the yard. Sorting through the "to do" list that never seems to get shorter. Actually, I don't mind cleaning, gardening is fun and relaxing, and there's a certain satisfaction in crossing chores off a list. But it all gets so tedious. Having these things done for me, so that if I WANTED to do some of them I could and wouldn't feel overwhelmed, would be sheer heaven.

Thought #2: I have three friends/relatives who have lost their dogs in the past year. Whether through old age or accident, they each spent many sad hours mourning their much-loved pooches. And yet each one has acquired a new pet. I don't understand; but then again, I've never been a pet owner. (Goldfish don't count, and the bunny we had was not exactly an interactive family member.) It's like saying, my 12 year old child died, so I'm going to acquire another child to make up for the loss. I'm not condemning--I get it that this is clearly my inability to empathize. But I just don't get it.

Thought #3: Creativity has to be nurtured. It needs time & space, encouragement, support, feedback, and critical interaction. Gosh, it's hard to be an artist when doing it is another thing on the "list of things to do".....see thought #1 above.

Thought #4: Anything that makes you laugh is good!! I've been listening to old George Carlin routines and I am falling out laughing. The one that really got me going was about things that pissed him off. One was "people who put bumper stickers about their child's school on their cars", which is something that makes me crazy, too. He proposed a bumper sticker that I wish I could have made, because I would put it on my old van in a heartbeat: "Proud parent of a child who has enough self-esteem that he doesn't need his parents trumpeting his minor educational achievements on their car's bumper"!!

Thought #5: It's time to go to bed. Enough computer time for one night!

Core values

2010-10-29T11:12:00.002-04:00

I was given an assignment by my therapist to write down some of my core values. Being, at heart, a diligent student, I have worked hard on the task, and have come to the conclusion that it was a very smart and sneaky assignment. The process of thinking through these things has really helped me readjust my outlook and let go of the awful "dog" of depression that so plagued me at the end of the summer.

In the process I've discovered that I'm a moderate....my writing sounds like the "This above all, to thine own self be true" speech of Polonius in "Hamlet". I kept coming up with words that were little fulcrum spots between extremes. Words like "tidy", rather than clean vs. messy. "Thrifty", rather than cheap vs. spendthrift. Maybe moderation and balance are qualities that become more appealing with age? I used to be so hard on myself, with so little tolerance for anything less than perfection. I still have no use for fools, misspellings, pomposity, bad pitch, people who wear medical scrubs in public, ads for prescription drugs, nonsensical rules, the editorial content of the Wall St. Journal, invasive thorny vines, most popular music, middle management, telephone trees ("press 1 to report a problem"), over-familiarity, and too many other pet peeves to detail here.

But I have a weakness for anyone who sings when they work; those who are kind to old people; anything that makes me stop and take notice (like the display of pomegranates in the grocery the other day); attention to detail in otherwise unimportant things. I like punctuality. I'm a big fan of courage, especially when paired with a smidge of braggodocio, as when John Hancock signed his name to the Declaration of Independence so large that the King could see it without his glasses. Make me laugh and I'm yours forever. A good argument is a wonderful thing--but the emphasis here is on "good", where points are argued with vehemence and conviction, from a place of knowledge and passion, and never descends into the personal.

People have often asked Arturo, "How did you decide to be a musician?", and his response is always, "I didn't decide. It picked me." I am a total, drop-dead fan of people who fall into that category in any pursuit, and have nothing but pity for those who just muddle along. I am acutely aware that as an educated, healthy, white, upper-middle-class American, I am disproportionately blessed with advantages, but I surely have seen many similarly blessed who squander their assets. Give me passion above all!! Otherwise, why bother living?

Pre-Halloween Thoughts

2010-10-29T10:59:00.002-04:00

Gee, the last time I wrote something was in August, and it started out with "I'm depressed". Thank goodness things have changed! I'm still distressed about the state of the world; about what may happen after next week's elections; about my continuing nursing/singing dichotomy; but I no longer feel so tortured by it all. Maybe it's the passing of the ridiculously hot weather? Fall is such a great time of year. Maybe it's the few talks I've had with Jim, my very occasional therapist and always good friend. Maybe it's the mere fact that I had two weeks vacation in September. Whatever the reason, I do feel lots better, and I celebrate the change.

Sunday is Halloween, always a big to-do on Club Boulevard. Last year we had over 800 kids, and I expect at least a repeat number this year. Friends are expected to spend a little time on the front porch with us. It's a great way to catch up and enjoy some seasonally-appropriate port, or sherry, together. If you're reading this and you're in town, do feel free to drop by. The show of trick-or-treaters is unsurpassed and the company is tops!

We are also attending a wedding on Sunday afternoon. I haven't been to a wedding in so long. Our kids' friends are not yet of marrying age (at least not of their generation!) and of course most of our own cohort of friends are long settled. So this should be fun. Plus I've been asked to sing with the band--always a big plus in my book.

Glenn and I did a gig at Guglhupf restaurant a couple of weeks ago, and I had a lot of fun. Much less pressure at a restaurant venue than in a concert hall--it was easy to relax and get in the swing of the evening. Many of the ladies from my book club came, plus some friends from work, some familiar faithful fans, and my lovely Laura, who has matured into a delightful, thoughtful, intelligent, lively, and totally satisfactory young woman. A treat to be around! We went to dinner earlier this week and spent the evening in deep yet entertaining discussion, plus the restaurant (Revolution) was tops and the wine Arturo gave us (a Rioja) was just perfect.

So much to be thankful for......who cares if we spend $150 on Halloween candy? Let the wild rumpus begin!

The Evils of the World

2010-08-07T23:47:00.002-04:00

I have been depressed for the past couple of weeks. There are a few reasons I can readily identify: lots of new aches & pains that have effectively prevented me from going to the gym for the past couple of months, including a flare-up of the nurse's curse, plantar fasciitis. This is THE WORST. The first step out of bed in the morning, or after sitting for a while, is just awful. And the treatment: take anti-inflammatories, try to stay off your feet, and use ice on the affected foot. Then wait six months.

I'm also starting to feel old for the first time. My birthday was last week and it was neither a "big" number nor really a particularly impressive one (I'm officially 53), but it's just left me more than a little blah. I look at Diana--she is so gorgeous, so young, so untroubled, so on the cusp of life--and while I am proud, it also makes me feel tired, and uninterested in my own life. I'm not envious: good God, I wouldn't be 22 again for love or money. But the knowledge that I'm probably 2/3 done with this life is more than a little sobering.

Then there is the nagging memory I cannot put behind me. In my work, I have seen birth, death, trauma, medical mayhem, miracles, and just about everything in between. Most of it I brush away, or perhaps save for when I need a story as a cautionary tale: don't smoke, do you know what cancerous lungs look like? I do! But a couple of weeks ago, I saw something I cannot dismiss.

A four year old girl was airlifted into my hospital for emergency surgery. She had been horrifically, satanically, sadistically abused. She needed an immediate craniectomy because she had subdural bleeding. When the surgeon took off the skull plate to relieve the pressure and evacuate the hematoma, her brain swelled so much he was unable to reattach the skull flap. In short: not a survivable injury. Which is good, because the rest of her poor little body bore witness to the suffering she had sustained. There were bites around the perimeter of each of her nipples--it looked like someone had attempted to bite them off. She bore laceration marks that the pediatric surgeon said were from ligatures--she had been tied to something. Her body was so bruised it was hard to tell she was a white girl. Part of her earlobe had been nibbled away, possibly by vermin. She had burns. She had been sexually violated. FOUR YEARS OLD.

What kind of human does this to an innocent child? What kind of society puts up with it? There was a lot of coverage in the press, and a lot of outrage expressed by law enforcement personnel, child protection agencies, and the like, but her case is neither the first nor the last this month, or possibly even this week. How can anyone believe in a loving and all-embracing God, if he lets things like this happen?

None of these are new questions. Philosophers, clerics, and wise men of all stripes have been wrestling with them for ages. I'm old enough, and cynical enough, to know that there are no answers except that evil is here in the world. I'm just tired--tired of reading about it, tired of people who have power who do nothing about it, tired of people who tolerate it, tired of people who incite it, tired of everything.

In fact, the only thing I'm not tired of is being tired, because I can't sleep. Her face haunts me--especially the face in the photograph that was published in all the papers when, after three days in the ICU, this little angel was mercifully taken off life support, and allowed to die. The sweet face with the pigtails and the shy smile so little resembled the visage I saw that night in the O.R. that it cuts to my soul.

There's a quote by Lily Tomlin: "No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up." God help us all, it's true. I have lost some joy, gained some years, and exponentially upped my cynicism quotient after this experience. Ironically, though, I may have acquired a smidge more religion than I had before, because I would so very much like to believe that there is a heaven, and this child is in it. Rest her tortured soul, she'll never feel pain or fear, or cry, ever again.

Memorial Day Weekend

2010-05-30T23:20:00.002-04:00

Well, I am on day 4 of being off 6 days in a row and I have to say it's feeling just great. I've rehearsed, gone to the gym, had a marvelous dinner with dear friends, and just chilled out. Tomorrow there's a concert on the books, and then Tuesday is another rehearsal and then dinner club. Life is good, I am very blessed.

Of course, that many blessings make for boring writing, and reading! Conflict, upsetment, doubt, rage, guilt, greed, lust, envy, and the other deadly (and not-s0-deadly) sins make for much better copy. This is probably why I am fascinated with reading about the tragic travesty taking place with the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. There are more than enough sins to go around in that situation. Will it all get cleaned up in my lifetime? I'm thinking there's a good chance the answer is "no". The photos of the spill, the oil-soaked wildlife, the befouled coast line, and the audio of the endlessly prattling bureaucrats and politicians and scientists are eerily compelling. It's like slowing down to look at an accident on the highway.

Just finished reading a book about Andrew Carnegie, Henry Clay Frick, and how they became friends & business colleagues, formed the steel industry, fought the nascent unions, fought with each other, and ended up bitter enemies (albeit rich ones). A fascinating story. The personalities are so vivid! I think it's because there are such rich primary sources (letters, cables, minutes of meetings, etc.) for historians to mine. I wonder what kind of biographies and histories of the electronic era will be written when the primary sources are as evanescent as the life of one's computer memory, or the technology with which to decode it.

Thoughts, anyone?

How curious

2010-05-19T00:17:00.002-04:00

Did a concert on Sunday night and for the first time in my performing experience I think the audience didn't like it. Or, they liked it but they didn't feel like clapping. I don't know. Arturo and others in the audience who have heard me before said I did a great job, up to my usual standards, and it was the listeners who had the problem. It was such an odd feeling: lots of things that in the past have been sure-fire laugh getters or audience pleasers just kind of fell flat. In one way, it made me work harder, but then at a certain point I realized I wasn't going to cajole or invigorate or cattle-prod them into being "into" the evening, so I just figured, the hell with it. I'll do the best I can for ME and I'll just have as much fun as I can. But it was very hard to relax & carry through with that intent. It was like there was a big wall out there between me and the audience.

Maybe it was too much of a "holy" crowd for the material? There's no way to know. Nobody forced them to attend......they could have just sent a check for the charity & skipped the show. My friend Britt said that everyone seemed more interested in the food than in the entertainment. (The leftover scraps I was able to taste after the performance WERE really good.) I believe she used the word "stampede" to describe the general hubbub when all the food was put out. Maybe everyone had postprandial doze syndrome.

Whatever the cause, it was a very odd sensation. I can see why young performers could take a [non] reaction like that very personally, feel rejected, etc. Thank God I have more sense/ego than that. But it's a feeling, and an evening, I'd not care to repeat.

A woman's work is never done

2010-05-13T23:46:00.002-04:00

I have been working like crazy the past few weeks, what with rehearsals, and company, and spring cleaning, and those never-ending yard chores, and (oh yes) my actual paying job, and I think the stress has finally caught up with me, in the form of a massive headache, the "GI Blues", and I think a UTI, too. NOT FEELING WELL.

Diana is off to Mexico on Saturday. Laura is off to Florida on Saturday. My mom is off to China on Sunday. At least Arturo is here to commiserate.

Got the van all checked out today. The "Mom Mobile" is good to go for another few thousand miles. It's a wreck but I do like that car! I took a short ride in a friend's Chrysler Pacifica the other day. If--I mean, when--we have to go car shopping I might look at one of those. There were a lot of sweet features and it looks fairly decent, too. Of course having a new car means caring about how it looks, and then there's the higher insurance cost. Hope we can put off that particular hassle for as long as possible.

In the words of Johnny Mercer: "Not a lot to write/Not a lot to say/Same things happen every day"........so I'll close. For all you uninitiated out there, those are the first few lines to the great song he wrote with Gordon Jenkins, "P.S., I Love You".

It's That Time of Year Again

2010-05-06T23:52:00.002-04:00

After a 9-month hiatus (no, I didn't have a baby) I am taking pen in hand--or should I say, fingers to the keyboard?--and writing on the blog again. Don't know who will see this but I do want to make everyone aware that the incredible annual BEAVER QUEEN PAGEANT is taking place again in lovely Duke Park, Durham, NC, and--

*I*
*ME*
*MOI*
*YOURS TRULY*

will be one of the judges this year! I am humbled by this honor. In the true spirit of the Pageant, and in keeping with its motto of "Peace, Love, Beaver", I would like to invite everyone to help sponsor my judicial seat! Just go to:

http://www.ellerbecreek.org/bqp-2010.html

scroll down to the "judges" section, and click on the tab for Beaver Streisand. (She's my--are you ready?--"beavatar"!) You can read about the contestants and use your credit card to buy my influence for your favored candidate. All money raised goes to the Ellerbe Creek Watershed Association, to assist in their goal of protecting Durham's natural creek and its surrounding area. Read about their good work at www.ellerbecreek.org, and remember: all contributions are tax deductible!

Here is a song I've been rehearsing for the pageant. Remember the tune "Memories" from the musical "Cats"? It was one of my biggest hits. For this very special event, I've rewritten the words:

Beavers! Looking out at the sunset!
All surveying the forest
Seeking trees fresh and sweet
As their fur drips
Their teeth are making chattering sounds
And their dam is all complete!

If you want to hear more, come to Duke Park on Saturday, June 5th, 2010, at 4PM. LIVE THE BEAVER QUEEN EXPERIENCE!

The Summer so Far

2009-08-13T22:14:00.003-04:00

It's been a while since I posted so I thought I'd catch up on "The Summer So Far". It's been pretty routine in a lot of ways: the annual neighborhood Independence Day parade was its usual self, with lots of kids and animals, flags and decorations, the usual songs sung by the 'hood's own "OK Chorale", yours truly working the neighborhood association T-shirt booth, and of course the great snacks. Everyone really missed Mr. Holmes's lemonade, though; the cokes generously donated by our local bottling plant just didn't make up for the loss.

At the end of the month I attended a cabaret workshop called "Summer in the City". It was 5 days of pretty intense work. A group of 16 singers worked with the two leaders and two pianists, and then we were also split into smaller groups to work with guest teachers at various times. I generally found the critiques and opinions of the guest teachers to be more useful and on point than those of the organizers, who I thought were more into the "tag team" mode of echoing each others' supposedly wonderful insights, but then again that's just me. I have a history of being rather skeptical during these exercises--which of course begs the question, Why do I go? Why do I spend what probably came to about $1000 (tuition, airfare, expenses) to come away thinking that at least 50% of my time there was wasted? Likely it has to do with the sense of "cabaret isolation" I feel here in good ol' Durham, NC. There's nobody besides my pianist, Glenn, and my husband, to give me knowledgeable feedback that I really value. I love it that they do it but after a while I get the feeling that I need more. And when I go and seek more, my problem is that I don't generally find it sincere. The insincerity is not confined to me, mind you; they're equally useless with everybody. I totally understand that with cabaret singing, it's mostly about the lyrics--telling the story, conveying the emotion, making it personal, drawing in the audience. But my problem comes when, as most of these workshops seem to do, this is achieved by almost completely ignoring the musical part. I don't understand, and I guess I never will, why it is somehow taboo to point out out-of-tune singing, unmusical phrasing, or anything having to do with faulty technique to participants. Someone can be the best actor in the world, and the best servant the lyricist ever had, but if they don't sing in tune---well, I just don't want to hear it. You'll never get me to listen to the story if my ear is complaining! Then when these lapses are not pointed out to participants, I lose respect for the teachers.

Which is why I said to both my mom and Arturo: if I ever say again that I want to go to one of these things, PLEASE, talk me out of it!

Diana is getting ready to go back to school. She is outfitting her apartment at Elon University (about 45 minutes away from here) with her friends, doing a marvelous job custom decorating chairs, coordinating bathroom accessories, etc. However she still hasn't signed up for the required "don't drink" course and the required "rules for cars" course for those who will have cars on campus. Things like this always put me in such a pickle: part of me wants to stop nagging and let her find out consequences on her own (like not being able to register her car), and part of me knows that if I follow through, I'll just be making more work, more nagging, and more aggravation for the wrong person: ME. It's such a merry-go-round and I wish I were a wise enough parent to know the answer.

Oh, and I had a birthday. Lots of wishes from friends, a bevy of wonderful books from my sweet husband, a little mad money from Mom--but nothing from my children. (Except a card.) Probably I would save myself a lot of grief if I would just let this one go but it really rankles. In their entire lives neither one of them has EVER had a birthday go by without a present. How is it that I'm so undeserving? Now, if Diana ever reads this (which is not likely but always possible), she'll be posting a comment that says, "But I took you out to lunch, Mom!". My reply will be, yes, you did, but no, you didn't. What happened was we were out shopping at the mall, decided to get lunch, and I made you pay. Besides, I don't think $6 makes for a very appropriate present for your one and only mother. So there.

I guess that's all the angst for now. If you have something to say, do say it! Maybe if I got more comments I'd do more writing.

Gotta go.........TTYL.

Tra-la, it's June

2009-06-28T23:04:00.002-04:00

The song goes "tra-la, it's May", but I've appropriated the title for June.

I guess the biggest item in my life this week has been my participation in a neighborhood project. This year is the 100th anniversary of Watts-Hillandale, and among the many markers of the event has been a collaboration between the neighborhood and the Summer Workshop of Duke's Center for Documentary Studies. This summer's students were all assigned to work on a documentary about our neighborhood. I was interviewed & videotaped by a team of students. It was quite revelatory......God knows I can talk, but their questions really prompted me to offer some fairly profound thoughts. Looking at the finished product, I feel rather humble, and proud. It seems I've been doing some pretty important things with this life of mine, and while it would be disingenuous to say I was completely unaware of it, it would be equally so to say I wasn't surprised by how well "Ellen" came across in the video. I *do* think that my creative side and my scientific side pollenate each other in deep and often unexpected ways, and I *do* think it would be harder to be effective in each without the input of the other. But somehow it all came across more vividly on film. I know Mom will like it, and I know the kids will be happy to have it (maybe more so in later years). Arturo told me it made him proud of me. Kinda makes me proud of me, too.

I'm tired, but it's a good tired, after a weekend filled with good things: a date with Arturo (dinner, movie, love), work in the yard, time with the crossword, a visit with Carol, and exercise time too. Back to work tomorrow, saving lives and stamping out disease......and singing.

Catching up, sorta, after way too long

2009-06-07T10:04:00.002-04:00

Bless me, Blogger, for I have sinned........it has been three months since my last posting.

Of course there's no way to actually catch up on three months of life, etc. (especially the "etc."), but here are a few high spots. And low spots.

Laura, my sweet older daughter, has graduated from UNC-Chapel Hill. Mom came to Durham for a long weekend to share the great day with everyone. We had a fab party for Laura and her love, Darwin, who also graduated that weekend (but from NC State in Raleigh). There was lots of good food and good company. I'm so glad I decided to use a caterer for the party--saved me a LOT of work and grief. I was actually able to enjoy my own gathering! Laura looked beautiful and I am so very proud of her. She's worked hard, has a great GPA and strong college career, is happy with the guy she loves, has an idea of what to do with her life, and she even has a job--this last a pretty amazing achievement in today's melt-down economy. Arturo and I bought a car for her for graduation and she was so very excited! (Why not?) And, lucky for me, she will be staying in Chapel Hill for the next year as she works & contemplates her next life decision: graduate school.

Mom looks more than fantastic. She is absolutely youthening rather than aging as the years go by. I need to make more time to spend with her--she's such good company and such an amazing role model. Our party guests were just enchanted by her!

I've had, I think, three singing engagements since I last posted. One at the Regulator Bookshop, one at the home of Bill Hampton, and one at The Scrap Exchange. There's also an upcoming gig (6/18) at the ever-popular "Capt. John's Dockside Restaurant" with a group called Chris Reynolds Swing 'n' Jazz. Chris is the pianist, and while he's a bit flaky, he's a really good musician, plus he likes to sing duets, which adds quite a lot to the mix. The bass player & drummer are great guys, too. And cute!

Inevitably, I guess, after almost 20 years of nursing, I hurt my back last month at work. It was "Ellen vs. the bookwalter retractor", and Ellen lost. I was lifting the bookwalter up onto an overhead shelf when I felt a "pop" in my back, followed by breathtaking pain. At the same moment, someone else in the room said, "What was that weird noise I just heard?", and I knew right then the result wasn't going to be pretty. After a trip (via wheelchair) to employee health, I was sent home for a couple of days. I found out that old standby treatment---ibuprofen, rest, and alternating hot and cold packs---is really the best. The muscle relaxant didn't work and strong pain meds just make me loopy. It's been about 3 weeks and I finally went back to the gym & had a good workout yesterday. There are still a few twinges, and some movements I make in a very gingerly manner, but other than that I'm OK. Which is good, because the last thing this family needs is another person with back problems.

Arturo and I spent Memorial Day weekend with our friends Dean & Kay Michaels. The four of us went to Williamsburg, VA. We toured the historic area, ate at good restaurants, drank great wine, enjoyed the ambience of a quirky & fun little Bed & Breakfast, played pool, and went to a concert by Patti LuPone. I'll save my LuPone review for another post. We had a wonderful, relaxing time and it was a much-needed break for me. Arturo will be taking a trip to California in mid-June, one of his usual "press junkets", and I think it will be good for him to get out into professional world again. I'm just jealous that nobody ever sends ME on a "nursing junket"!!

Finally, I found out that I had been accepted to a cabaret workshop in July in NYC! I'm excited. I've been thinking over the past few months that I really need to hear from someone else besides Arturo and Glenn about how I sound, what I'm doing right and wrong, etc. A "tune-up" (ha, ha) for lack of a better term. This is a short (5 days) workshop with about a dozen other folks so I think I should have a good amount of time for personal feedback. Of course it costs money but I can always tell my family that they can contribute to it for my birthday present! I will drive both ways, though, so that I don't have to spend extra money on an airline ticket. Anyone want to hitch a ride to NYC from Durham the last week of July? Warning: driver will be singing!

Hugs to all,
Ellen

An Interesting Life

2009-03-19T09:30:00.002-04:00

You know, I've been thinking, and I lead an interesting life. Of course in some cultures this is the ultimate "backwards compliment", kind of like "may you live in interesting times".....obviously, "interesting" can cut both ways. But in the past two weeks I've watched someone die and I've held a newborn. Not your usual circumstances.

The death was that of a gentleman at my work, UNC, who died after three surgeries on three successive days. By the end, I'm sure death was a release for both him and his family. The new baby arrived in the home of my sweet next-door neighbors: it's a girl, Annabelle, and it's their first. By the end of the pregnancy, I'm sure the birth was a release for both her and her family!

These events, and so many others, combine to give me a perspective on life that, I think, is not available to many. I'd like to imagine that I appreciate things more, savor life, pay attention to more nuances. I'd like to think it informs my singing and my interpretation of lyrics. Impossible to know, I guess. However--I am grateful for the opportunities and the inspirations, good and bad, positive and negative, sweet and painful.

Blah week so far

2009-03-11T10:24:00.002-04:00

I don't know, I'm very blabby (as Johnny Carson used to say) this week. Just out of sorts, a little grouchy, a little tired, unfocused. Can't explain why. It would be easy to explain everything away using PMS but that doesn't seem to fit. I'm kind of aggravated that Diana is back with Griffin, I know that. I still have to work on the taxes and that's a looming responsibility that won't go away. I feel at a standstill with my working out at the gym, plus my new sneakers gave me a monster heel blister and I can't even use the elliptical or the treadmill until it heals. Work's been crazy, with management obsessing over every "wasted" minute plus all the crapola about overtime. Nobody will tell me--or anyone, for that matter--about raises.

At least the weather is nice!

Just stuff....

2009-03-08T03:00:00.002-04:00

Of course I have singing on my mind. When do I not? Yesterday I went to the station of WCOM in Carrboro and was a guest DJ on the "Tom Arnel Show". I talked a bit about myself & my singing, and played tracks by Ella, Jo Stafford, Rosemary Clooney, Fred Astaire, Frank Sinatra, Nancy LaMott, and ME! ("I Happen To Like New York"). It was great fun and one of the other regular DJs, a guy named Rocco, asked me to be a guest on HIS show, too. It may turn into something semi-regular, who knows? Anyway, they all said I sounded good on the radio, which was nice.

I'm working hard on my upcoming performances, which will feature music by "W" composers such as Warren, Weill, Wilder, Waits, etc. I'm so enjoying going through the Kurt Weill stuff, he worked with so many lyricists, and the music is just gorgeous. I think I was born to sing "I'm A Stranger Here Myself"!

Kinda late, that's all for now. More later!

More movies, pre-Oscar thoughts, etc.

2009-02-15T23:01:00.002-05:00

Arturo and I went to see "The Wrestler". I was totally prepared to hate it--not a big fan of Mickey Rourke, hate wrestling, don't like sports movies in general, etc. I also thought that nobody could be a better contender for Best Actor than Sean Penn in "Milk". Well, I was completely sucked in, just bowled over by Rourke's performance. I don't know where he pulled this one from but it is an extraordinary piece of work. I was in tears during one scene, he was so brutally, brilliantly honest and exposed as an actor. If he doesn't win the Oscar it will be a major robbery. According to imdb.com, Marisa Tomei is 45. While that's not exactly over the hill, it ain't young either. She looks completely fantastic--don't know how much time she spends at the gym to get that body but it must be substantial. It's embarrassing, really.

Wrote the Oscar quiz over the weekend. Arturo says it's a tad easier than previous years, which is good, because people often tell me it's very hard. I think this one is full of giveaway questions but then again.....I'm the one writing the quiz! We'll see what the reaction is this year. I think things are pretty much under control for the big night; all I have to do is the usual furniture rearranging and of course borrow the projector again. Last year I offered to buy the projector from Bill but he wants way too much money for it--$1000!--which is crazy, since it's hardly new. But he's funny about stuff like that, so I won't ask again this year. Personally, if I were in his situation, I'd rather have $200 in my hand than a projector which might be worth somewhat more to a different person, but which I never used. Oh well.

I've been doing a lot of cleaning out and rearranging over the past months. I think the house looks better (at least to me), and I have the satisfaction of knowing I've done a lot of good work. My next job, after the Oscar party, is to work on the TV room. I'd really love to radically re-think everything about it. I think it would be fun to paint it a wonderful, warm, tomato-soup red, and make it feel like a little jewel box theater. We'll see what happens. I have a lot of ideas percolating.

My picks for the Oscars: Picture--Slumdog; Actor--Rourke; Actress--Winslet; Supporting Actress--Davis; Supporting Actor--Shannon (this is actually an "anyone but Heath Ledger" vote); Director--Boyle. I think Winslet will win but in my opinion she's nominated for the wrong role; she was much better in "Revolutionary Road". Oh well--less than a week to wait!

One singing job in March and two in April, which makes me very happy. I am much better when I have something to prepare for. Arturo's Schubert concert was last night, and he played so very well! I was so proud of him. He looked calm and collected, all the little things I've heard him practicing came off without a hitch, his intonation was perfect, and he was so musical. Plus he looked very handsome in his tails! A lovely evening.

TTFN. Comment away! I love to know what everyone thinks....or even if they're reading at all. xoxo

Catching up

2009-01-27T09:23:00.002-05:00

Almost two weeks since my last post. Sure wish the time didn't slip by so fast!

I've seen a lot of movies in the run-up to Oscar night. So far I've been most impressed by "Doubt" and "Frost/Nixon". Incredible performances in both movies. This past Saturday night, Arturo and I went to see a show called "Souvenir", which was put on by a local acting company. It's about Florence Foster Jenkins, the infamous no-talent society opera singer from the 30's, and her hapless accompanist, the very oddly named Cosmie McMoon. The acting was really good and the story actually turned out to be quite touching and even thought-provoking. What is more lofty, anyway? Telling someone they are not only not talented but positively painful to listen to? Or letting them live out their fantasies and dreams? The actor/musician who played the pianist was quite touching when he tenderly reassured Florence that she wasn't hearing laughter after her performance of the Schubert "Ave Maria", but rather people were giggling because they were so nervous in the face of such beauty. It was sweet, and moving.

Work has been very busy, I guess it's the "new year/new deductible" rush, or something. Overall I'm still happy at UNC, and convinced that the change of jobs was a good thing. I'm certainly better paid! Got my W-2 form for the year and I even impressed myself.

My singing job on Sunday (fundraiser for the Healing Tree Foundation) went well. Arturo was very complimentary, which is always nice. But there were a few folks there like George Christie, who made a point of saying that he had heard me sing perhaps 4 times, and I keep getting better. Now, THAT was praise I can take to heart! Glenn seemed a little "off" on Sunday, especially at the beginning, but then he focused and we had some nice moments. I even managed to get through my encore number, which was "Over The Rainbow", a suicidal choice if there ever was one. I just thought it would fit with the aims of the foundation, plus I wanted to challenge myself to see if I could do it. Overall I think I acquitted myself admirably. The lady who runs the foundation wants to hire us again, for another fundraiser in April, so there's a vote of confidence.

Arturo is worried about his fast-approaching Schubert performance. I know he'll be fine but he does have to work through things in his own way. I just wish he didn't suffer so.

Went to see Adriana yesterday--she looks tired and drawn, and of course sang her usual plaint about wanting to die, why was she still alive, etc. I didn't make any effort to talk her out of it, I just listened. (All my nursing school psych professors would have been proud--it was truly reflective listening! I kept saying things like, "It sounds like you're depressed.") God save me from being so selfish and miserable when I'm her age. I know my mom is younger, but she looks and acts so vibrant now, I just don't imagine her ever being essentially different (barring catastrophe, of course). Now SHE'S my role model!

Anyway, off to the salt mines--three days in a row this week, ugh.

Rehearsing today

2009-01-15T22:58:00.002-05:00

Gee, it felt so good to sing again! Glenn and I are working on a short program for January 25th. Mostly things I've sung before, but a few new ones. I can't believe how a few hours of rehearsing can change my whole outlook on life. I know all about endorphins and mood, but the way I feel afterward......well, I think scientists should recruit me for studies. (Paid would be nice.)

I am in love with the song, "The Gentleman is a Dope". Just the cleverest, the most swinging, the best. So VERY unlike Rodgers & Hammerstein. I actually checked the Rodgers & Hart book first. I googled "Allegro", which is the musical for which the song was originally written, and I can see from the [non] plot why it didn't go over well with audiences. This song, though, is a gem.

Mom's birthday was yesterday, and I spoke with her for 40 minutes or so. She sounds lively and healthy, she looks terrific, and I consider her a role model in most every way. I hope I have her health and positive attitude when I'm her age. Congratulations, Mom, on another year, and here's to very many more.

Done! Finished! Finito!

2009-01-14T00:29:00.002-05:00

Well, it's done--there is a huge pile of junk at the curb, the house is de-Christmased, the attic is re-organized, everything is clean and tidy, and I spent last evening basking in the pleasant exhaustion that comes from very hard work. Many thanks to Max Gottleib, neighborhood college student who needed cash and had muscle and stamina to trade for it! Together we made about 40 trips up and down the stairs, but by God, it's all done.

The funny thing is, when I got home from work tonight, I noticed that much of the stuff we put out at the curb was gone. All the old drapery rods--which was mildly surprising, since they were so tangled I cut a lot of the cords to facilitate transport. The two absolutely ancient bed springs and bed frames, which, by the way, were left in the attic by the previous residents of ol' 2423. Maybe there's a big market for scrap metal? Who knows. Certainly NOBODY would be hard up enough to actually use them for mattress rests. Anyway, it works for me.

Now, if I could just get Diana to clean her room......

Lazy day

2009-01-10T19:02:00.002-05:00

I have had the laziest day today, at least the part after I went to the gym. I paid bills this morning--always a wonderful way to start the day--then did a few little errands and went to the gym. I came home with the idea that I would take down the Christmas tree, but instead went to lunch with Diana, then talked with Alan for a while, then joined Diana's friends while they all made hula-hoops, then bailed on taking in a movie with Karen, then got on the computer and have been assiduously wasting time for the past hour.

The Christmas tree is still up, my set list for the 1/25 concert is still in limbo, and I am STILL IN MY GYM CLOTHES!!

There are still 5 hours left in the day. Still time to reform!

New Year, New Post

2009-01-04T16:39:00.002-05:00

Wow, it's been quite a while since I wrote here. A lot has happened, mostly all good.

The holidays have come and gone, and it's back to work tomorrow. We had a lovely trip to NY, where we saw beaucoups of friends and relatives, ate too much, and got to experience real snow and REAL cold too! (New Years Eve was marked by temperatures in the low teens, with a wind chill factor near zero degrees. Not that anything as common as the weather kept the crowds away from Times Square, mind you.)

Arturo and I had a lovely day in the city on Dec. 30th. First we had lunch with his old friend, Joe Smith. Joe lives on W. 82nd Street. We met him at his apartment and then ate at a lovely little brasserie. It was fun for me to just sit back and listen to them reminisce, and observe their mutual delight in being together for a while. Arturo & Joe have known each other since they were both 16--a pretty long time. Then we walked around Central Park for a while, and saw the new building/museum at Columbus Circle, and ended the afternoon at Christophe Landon Fine Violins. Arturo was trying to sell a violin which had belonged to his Dad. Monsieur Landon was the soul of gallic charm as well as an extremely learned luthier. He spent about an hour talking to us about the violin and, while [politely] declining to purchase it at the moment, gave us information on how to further research its pedigree. Even though we still had to carry around the case for the rest of the day, it was a very interesting visit.

Then we went to see the revival of "Pal Joey" at the Studio 54 Theater, courtesy of Mom. (Thanks, Mom! Great Christmas present!) I have to say I was underwhelmed for many reasons, but it was, as usual, a great experience to be in a NY theater, enjoying live performances. No wonder legions of young people are seduced into trying to make their living as actors.

Gotta go===more later. Keep reading! And, Happy 2009 to all!

Christmas at the OK Corral

2008-12-25T12:38:00.003-05:00

Well, it's noon or so on Christmas Day. I'm at work and we had our family gift exchange last night. Lots of smiles all around--everyone was happy, everything fit, and big, huge laughs at Arturo's "Jack LaLanne Double Header". (Photo will follow when I can manage.) Adriana had a bad cough & went home relatively early. The Campas came for dessert, which was a key lime pie that Mike made, plus baklava, plus fruit & nuts, coffee & tea. Really a lovely evening.

Then,

I found out around 11AM that Arturo had gotten a phone call from the friendly folks at Croasdaile, saying that Adriana was having trouble breathing and they felt she should go over to Duke via EMS. (It's a mystery to me why they call us. They don't need our permission to get her emergency medical care. JUST TAKE HER, for Chrissakes.) Arturo of course went over and he is now saying things like, I don't know if I'll be able to go to NY with you tomorrow. So, I called Nick and told him that we were ALL leaving for NY tomorrow, and after today he would be the point person for Adriana. I'm sorry, I'm not having my vacation ruined while he sits and sips Chianti and looks at the ocean (which by the way he does 1/2 the year).

Talked with the Messina/Johnson clan this morning. They all sounded fine and were in high Christmas spirit. I can't wait to see everyone, although I must honestly say I am not looking forward to the drive. I'm sure it will be easier with Darwin along, sharing the driving. I hope Laura has adequately prepared him for the family juggernaut. My family is an awesomely wonderful group of people but, as a group, they can be daunting, to say the least.

Merry Christmas! Write me a message if you're reading!

How to be deflated in one easy lesson

2008-12-20T01:13:00.004-05:00

I went to the movies with my girlfriend Carol tonight. Afterwards we went to a hangout close by to chat. As we walked in, a very efficient young girl bounded up and asked to see our ID's. Well, I was just totally floored. I laughed and told her she had made my day, that I hadn't been carded in years, and I was never so happy to whip out my drivers license, that my haircut took off years as well as hair, etc. Laugh, laugh, laugh. Then she looks at the license and says......

"Wow, you don't look nearly that old!"

Pop. Sputter. Fizzle.

Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat!

2008-12-19T10:51:00.002-05:00

This week has been busy, but in a piddling way. Seemingly dozens of little chores, errands, tasks, etc. that eat away at a free day. I did get most of the Christmas presents wrapped yesterday, an endeavor that was happily complemented by Maureen O'Hara, John Payne, Edmund Gwenn, Natalie Wood, Gene Lockhart, William Frawley, Thelma Ritter, and the rest of the cast of 1948's "Miracle on 34th Street". Really, there's not a single misstep in this delightful holiday classic. I know I'm an old sentimentalist but it still brings a lump to my throat to see Kris Kringle's stricken face when little Susan Walker says, "You're just a nice old man with a beard and I shouldn't have believed you." Now all I need to do is watch "Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol" and my holday must-sees will be complete. There are others I look forward to but these two are the pillars. By the way, "Mr. Magoo" got a big thumbs-up in today's Wall Street Journal from the theater critic, Terry Teachout. I *knew* I liked that guy!

Arturo and I went to see "Slumdog Millionaire" last night and we both really enjoyed it. Good story and storytelling, interesting locales, talented cast. Danny Boyle might get a Best Director nod for this one. For awhile, I was trying to place the actor who played the police chief, and then it occurred to me that he had been in the movie "A Mighty Heart". I looked it up and there he was: Irfan Khan. Role: police chief! Then I kept looking and saw he had also played the father in the lovely movie "The Namesake". Wow--two police chiefs, and a patriarch. Talk about typecasting.

Work was really busy this week but not completely ridiculous. We had a 3-11 shift holiday potluck on Wednesday night and all the food was really yummy. One person brought her George Foreman grill and we cooked hot dogs on it. (Funny note: she's black, and she brought Hebrew National hot dogs. When I asked her about it, she said, "Why, they're kosher! That means they're the best!") The surgical services holiday party is tomorrow night, and I am planning on attending. You know, it's funny. Rex is a private hospital with (I assume) a much bigger profit margin than the state-owned and run UNC Hospital, yet Rex could never manage to get together any kind of holiday celebration for most of the years I worked there. They always cited either their own budgetary restraints, or federal laws that prohibited them from taking "favors" from sales reps. (Which meant that vendors, drug reps, etc. couldn't sponsor a party.) I'd bet anything that UNC has even worse budgetary restraints, and of course federal laws apply across the board, yet they manage to rent a Chapel Hill country club for an evening and have a party for a much larger number of people. Quite the attitude difference! I think it makes everyone feel appreciated, much more so than how we felt when we got the $30 Food Lion gift card from Rex. Which, by the way, was $30 added to your salary, taxed, and reported to the IRS. Merry Christmas, indeed.

Off to do more stuff. According to my desktop "Christmas Countdown" widget, only 5 days 15 hours til the big day!

A week's worth of musings

2008-12-13T00:44:00.002-05:00

Every time I've sat down this week to write a little, something interfered. Finally, now, some peace. It's almost 1AM. Diana is spending the night at a friend's house.

Had a long talk with my old friend Jeanne tonight. Her mom died earlier this month, after a number of years of decline both mental and physical. Jeanne says she really did her grieving years ago, when she came to the realization that her mother would never be "herself" again, and that dealing with her actual death has been much easier than what went on before. Still, she expects a hard weekend, since the memorial service and interment of her mom's ashes will take place on Sunday. Jeanne's father died many years ago, she herself is long divorced, and she hasn't any siblings. Her daughters are both in high school and within a few short years they'll be gone from the house too. I guess these things don't happen suddenly, and by the time she is really alone, she'll have had time to cope with the transition, but still..... Makes me wonder how I will handle my own life transitions. Being alone is definitely not something I like or crave.

I also spent some time today working on a handout for our block. The home of one of my neighbors has been burglarized twice in the past month, which has made everyone very edgy. Since long ago I volunteered to be our Neighborhood Watch Block Captain, and I figured it was time to resurrect the program. So, I made up a little handout about common sense safety and security, and handed it out around the block. Our best community defense is, it seems to me, our community of eyes and ears. What is that Benjamin Franklin quote? Something about "if we don't all hang together, we shall certainly hang separately."

Tomorrow I'll be out selling scarves, cards, and CDs at another craft show, this one over in the Northgate Park area. I'll also have a selection of Diana's jewelry. Hope there's a good turnout, and it's a chilly day, so the idea of buying a nice cozy scarf has extra appeal!

I've done a bit of Christmas shopping but definitely not all. I'm kind of a last-minute person anyway. I am thinking about our Christmas Eve family dinner, and considering various menu options. One of my most favorite types of entrees are those that pair meats and fruit. Saw a great recipe for lamb with apricots, but I know Diana wouldn't even think about eating it. It's hard to please everyone.

Finally, I wanted to talk about work yesterday. I scrubbed a liver transplant, all by myself. Pretty good! The recipient was a 15 year old girl who had gotten Hepatitis C from her mother at birth. The mother died when the girl was 5 and she has lived with her grandparents ever since. This was one scared, and very sick, kid. When they took out her old liver I hardly recognized it as a liver--it was covered with nasty, infected-looking cysts, and was a dusky color. The one she got was from a 21 year old South Carolina boy who committed suicide. It pinked up right away after they connected the hepatic artery. What an extraordinary thing, for one family's tragedy to be another's miracle. I really feel honored to participate.

Night, all. Still hoping for a comment or two from the hordes of readers I know are out there!

Praise the Lord (and pass the Kleenex)

2008-12-07T18:46:00.002-05:00

It's been quite the siege but I'm finally getting better. Still a little hoarse, still a little runny, but nothing compared to how I was earlier in the week. Now the opportunistic bacteria are moving in to take advantage of my weakened state. Woke up with a fulminating case of conjunctivitis this morning--thank goodness I had some left over eyedrops. Bad news is Arturo has been in bed all day--says he's "tired" but I have this sinking feeling he's getting sick, in which case the next two weeks are going to be really hard. Please make me wrong, please.

The Christmas tree went up yesterday, all 9' of it. The spire is literally about 1/4" from the top of the ceiling. It's quite grand, I have to say. I'll take photos. The house is "Christmased" too and I worked very hard to make it happen yesterday and today. The incentive was that book club is meeting here at my house tonight. We read one of my favorites, "The World According to Garp", and I can't wait to discuss it.

Last night, Arturo and I went to see "The Umbrellas of Cherbourg" (1964), which was being shown for free at the Carolina Theater. I love seeing an oldie on the big screen. Every year the Carolina sponsors a day of old weepies around the holidays; they call it the annual "Holiday Bawl". I'd never seen "Umbrellas" before. It was quite a sad story, if an unoriginal sad story (boy meets girl, they fall in love, war separates them, they end up with others). Interestingly, it was like an operetta in that every line of dialogue was sung, and there were arias along the way. The music is by Michel Legrand and the big tune was "(If It Takes Forever) I Will Wait For You". What a glorious song--so melting, and so emotional. Cathering Deneuve was a little too old to be playing a 16 year old but harder to accept was that she was supposed to be playing a 16 year old who didn't think she was pretty. Holy delusion, Batman!

Laura is through with her exams and is beyond ecstatic that she NEVER has to take another chemistry class, ever. She thinks the tutoring helped a great deal and is hoping that her final exam grade is good. Me, too!

That's all for now. I have to go make hostess motions for the people who will be here in 1/2 hour.

Time Marches On

2008-12-03T17:24:00.002-05:00

Well, my "sinful" dress arrived in the mail yesterday, all $550 of it. Here's what happened. I have to say the packaging was very impressive.....I guess this is how very upscale stores treat their customers. Lovingly packed in a silver box with a bow, and a handwritten thank you note included. Then I changed all my undergarments, put up my hair, and tried it on. Then I looked in the mirror. Then I showed Arturo, who was very understanding about how I really needed to make this little experiment. Then I went back upstairs, changed into my jeans, and (equally lovingly) re-packed the dress into its silver gilt box with a bow.

A lesson learned: you can't turn back the clock. As much as I'd like to think I could wear a dress like that, I can't. Even though I've lost beaucoups of weight and gotten toned, I'm not a size 2, I'm not 25 years old, and I'm just not anything enough to pull it off. Knits are meant to hug curves, which I've got, but they also hug bumps and other imperfections, which I've also got. Also, realistically, I have no place to wear such a creation--just don't lead that kind of life. It's a high maintenance dress for a high maintenance woman with a high maintenance lifestyle, none of which describes me or my resources. So, back to Nordstrom it will go, and it will cost me $10 shipping fee to learn what I really should have known already.

In another reinforcement of the "time marches on" theme, I'm still sick. I've missed two days of work this week--really unusual for me--and I'm still coughing and achy and low energy. I used to shake this stuff in a couple of days; this has already lasted a week. What a bother, and so depressing. I just put out the garbage and the recycling and I feel like I have to rest for an hour.

When I feel better, there are a number of movies on my "to see" list: "Australia", "Milk", and "I've Loved You So Long". Although I'm not a big Tom Cruse fan, I will probably want to see "Valkyrie", just because I'm a sucker for historical dramas. Also "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button", but that's because Cate Blanchett is in it, and not because of Brad Pitt.

If you're reading, send me "get well soon" vibes!

A Winter's Tale

2008-12-01T10:37:00.002-05:00

I was thinking of a line from "A Winter's Tale" when I woke up at 3:30 AM, hacking out a lung: "a sad tale's for winter". Indeed, this nasty cold is a sad tale. It seems that every time I get a cold, it goes to my throat and lungs, which makes me think of Nana, which makes me worry that I am going to end up like her, on a ventilator. (Of course, I won't be writing short hand notes to my caregivers......I still think that's a great story.) Ah, the bleak thoughts one has when sleepless and sick.

But the sun did come up this morning, and I did manage to get all the Christmas decorations down from the attic over the weekend, so I think I will slowly start to transform the house. I envision my day's schedule running on a loop of: drink tea, do a little work, go to the bathroom, rest.

Laura got home from NY yesterday. Arturo picked her up at the airport because both Darwin and I are sick. She had a great time and brought home adorable photos of her playing with her little cousin Emily; looks like they bonded, big time. She said Thanksgiving at Grammy's house was loud and boisterous and wonderful; the food was great and the company convivial. Laura was pretty sad about going back to school, because this is her last week before finals and she has LOTS to do, but then after Saturday she's off for a month. Diana has, I think, two more weeks to go.

Arturo actually braved the post-Thanksgiving shoppers and took advantage of a great camera deal, so now we have a new, functioning, digital camera which cost less than $100. So, when I feel better, I can start taking photos again.

That's all for now. Time to go take some more cough medicine and replenish the supply of kleenex in my pocket.

It's good for the soul

2008-11-29T10:43:00.004-05:00

I have a confession to make. VERY GUILTY.

So, I was reading Vanity Fair magazine a couple of weeks ago, and I turned the page to see an ad for St. John, the famous designer of high-end knits. My heart stood still (thank you, Lorenz Hart!) because there, in front of me, was THE most gorgeous dress. It was just my style, simple yet sparkly, very elegant, very streamlined........just perfect. I went on the website to see more of it but the dress wasn't shown, so I wrote to the information email address. They wrote back & said it was available at Neiman-Marcus and Nordstrom.

This past Tuesday I stopped at Southpoint Mall because I had to go to the Apple store to get my iPod fixed. (Small aside: I was really prepared for the worst, since it's 3 years old and a model not even made by Apple any more, but lo and behold the technician got it reset and running.) While I was there I strolled down to the Nordstrom to see if "my" dress was there. It wasn't, but the saleslady said she knew exactly which dress I was drooling over and, after a few minutes of computer searching, located one in the Atlanta store. Original price: $1500, on sale for a shade under $500. They wouldn't order the dress to come to the Durham store just so I could have a look-see.

So--and here's the confession--I bought it. It's being delivered to the house. I can try it on and if I don't like it I can return it to the Durham store. So as far as an extravagance goes, I'm basically having Visa loan me $500 or so for a couple of weeks, so I can indulge a fantasy and try this creation on. I can't possibly keep it but I can take a few photos! (Assuming it looks good on me, that is.) The whole thing makes me feel just a little wicked, especially since I generally get nervous if the bill for any one article of clothing is over about $75. But oh, the temptation!

Now that my inner splurger has been tapped, I also bought a new Christmas tree. It's 9 feet tall, 65" in diameter, a beautiful blue/green spruce, and--here's the important part--it's PRE-LIT. No more spending hours walking around the tree trying to get the lights perfect. No more runs to the store in the middle of decorating to replace strings of lights that suddenly, inexplicably fail. No more trying to figure out *which* bulb on the string of 150 is the one that failed and made the whole string die. I think I'll be a much happier woman! Plus the tree is bigger, which means more room for more of the beautiful glass ornaments that I love so much. (Take note, Christmas shoppers.)

So between the dress, the tree, and the various on-line purchases this week, I've definitely done my patriotic duty and contributed to jump starting the economy. And it was fun!

Hey, if you're out there, and you're reading, post a comment, OK? No need for novel writing (unlike me), just a quick hello would do.

Happy Thanksgiving weekend--try to stay out of the Wal-Mart stampedes. What a sad commentary, in so many ways, on our culture....a worker? trampled to death? by people waiting at FIVE A.M. to get into a Wal Mart, of all places?

Thanks

2008-11-27T09:25:00.002-05:00

OK, so it's corny, but here is a list of things I am thankful for. I'm leaving out the obvious and most important ones, like family, friends, health, love, etc. These are the second-tier items but ones that make me really happy. In no particular order:

--Music! I am so grateful for music in my life. I love to listen. I love to sing and perform. I love hearing Arturo practicing. I love my iPod! I love it that people are still finding new ways to arrange 12 notes into amazing compositions, even after all these years and considering how many of the previous arrangements have been "taken".

--Videos! I love it that I can pop in a tape or DVD and revisit an old friend any time I want.

--the scent "Coco", by Chanel. I put it on and it makes me feel just wonderful: sensual and sexy and warm. (NB, this is "Coco", and *NOT* "Coco Mademoiselle".....don't be confused, fans.)

--the black cashmere coat I purchased last year. What I especially love is that by just changing the scarf and/or hat and/or gloves I wear with it, I get a different look for only a few bucks. Nothing like the classics to make a girl happy.

--Pedicures! Need I say more?

--On the more serious side, I'm so grateful I switched jobs this year. Those of you who know me, know what a difficult and personally wrenching decision it was to leave Rex after 13 years. But UNC has worked out beyond my expectations and I am so glad to be there, learning new things, working sensible hours, and getting paid more to boot.

--Finally, I am deeply thankful for the results of the last election. I wouldn't want to be president for even a 12-figure salary, and I frankly don't understand why ANYONE wants the job, but blessings on Obama for taking on the task. Hallelujah to the voters in this country for electing him, and a special high five to North Carolina for contributing our 15 electoral votes. Maybe, just maybe, my children and other young people now have a chance of living in a United States that is respected throughout the world, rather than mocked and vilified.

Love to all. Hey, write a comment, wouldja? It would warm my heart on Thanksgiving Day to know that somebody was reading, besides me. Go watch "Miracle on 34th Street" (1947 version, naturally!) and have a great day, everyone!

Back to Work

2008-11-26T09:28:00.005-05:00

It's back to work today, after 6 days off. In some ways I'm really ready to go, but in others, well......I'm not. I did a fair amount of cyber shopping yesterday and it got me in the Christmas mode. So, what I'd really like to do today (rather than go to work!) is start taking down all the decorations from the attic. Put away the pumpkins and haul out the holly! I've pretty much decided to buy a new Christmas tree this year. I'd like to get one of the ones that are pre-lit so I don't have to spend so much time and angst hanging lights. It really is the most painful part of the decorating, especially since, invariably and inevitably, there are always some strings that have "died" over the preceding year. Then it's a run out to the store to get more lights. Plus, the living room can certainly stand it, so I'd like to get a larger tree, too. As much as the lights die in the attic, the ornaments multiply!

Arturo and Diana are going to Karen's for Thanksgiving. Laura is in NY with my Mom, sisters, and extended family. It's an odd, vaguely disconnected week for us, but we did have our feast last weekend so I don't think anyone feels deprived. I certainly don't.

Time to motivate, as I often say. More later!

Thanksgiving came early

2008-11-23T22:21:00.002-05:00

We celebrated Thanksgiving yesterday, Saturday 11/22, because I am working on "actual" Thanksgiving this year. Present were 4 Ciompis, my mother-in-law, Laura's boyfriend Darwin, and two good friends, Dean & Kay Michaels. Menu:
--appetizer: fig & goat cheese crostini (from Kay), with champagne
--first course: pumpkin & apple soup, served in pumpkin tureen
--main course: roast turkey, brined in citrus & apple juices; pomegranate stuffing; minimally creamed spinach; mashed potatoes; blackened string beans; cranberry sauce
--dessert: apple/pear individual tartlets, with brandy-laced mascarpone cream
Arturo of course opened wonderful wines--two kinds of beaujolais, and then some lovely port to go with the coffee.
I did a lot of work the day before, so for once I didn't feel so rushed on the actual feast day. Everyone behaved, although I had to reprimand Laura & Darwin for playing games on his iPhone when they thought nobody was looking.
Adriana didn't look good to me. She seemed somewhat un-groomed, which is unusual for her; she also had noticeable periods where she zoned out, which is also atypical. Generally when she has a new audience (in this case, Dean & Kay) she just talks and talks. Arturo says she's been having some respiratory issues. I say, so why do you keep bringing her cigarettes? But then again, she's 87, I suppose she's entitled to her vice.
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Today I went to a baby shower for the first time in many, many years. One of my co-workers is expecting her second child, a boy, in about 2 weeks. It was nice to see everyone in "party clothes"! It's a shock sometimes to see people's hair, since of course in the OR it's always covered. Leisa got some cute little outfits, and a stroller, and some gift cards. I made her a baby afghan, plus burned a CD of lullabyes. It was mildly shocking for me to realize I was probably the oldest person in the room, though. How on earth did this happen?

TTFN, sports fans!

Crazy week

2008-11-21T00:12:00.002-05:00

I worked 3 days in a row this week, and I am really feeling it today. The older I get, the more that 12 hour shifts take out of me. Of course, now I have 6 days off in a row, without having to use any vacation time, but still.....

We are having a traditional Thanksgiving dinner, but on a non-traditional day. Since Laura is going to NY for the holiday, and I have to work, we are having Thanksgiving this Saturday, 11/22. Just our nuclear family, my mother-in-law, Laura's boyfriend, and two friends so that the conversation doesn't get too insular. I never know what to expect from my m-i-l when she comes to these gatherings. Her true command performance was at a Mother's Day dinner some years ago, when she asked me how many Valium she'd need to take all at once to successfully commit suicide, because she didn't want to fail and then end up "a vegetable". (Of course at the time I was completely horrified and demanded an instant change of subject, especially because the kids were both there; on reflection, I should have told her the answer.) Anyway, having "outsiders" helps keep her on better behavior. I'm trying a new recipe this year: pomegranate stuffing. Sounds yummy but labor intensive.

Our porch is finished and I have to say it looks really good. Even Scotty, the FedEx guy, was impressed. If I had a camera I'd take a photo and post it, but Diana broke my camera and somehow hasn't managed to replace it yet. So, we are considerably poorer, but then again we have injected a fair amount of money into the local economy.

Had a singing job this past weekend at the local hangout, the Broad Street Cafe. It's a friendly and fun place, whose new owners are trying really hard to turn it into a viable neighborhood/student attraction. I worked with a new pianist, named Chris Reynolds. He's a much older guy who wears tinted eyeglasses and a grey ponytail, but he's very talented and easy to work with. We did "We're In the Money", "I Can't Give You Anything But Love", "Makin' Whoopee" (as a duet, lots of fun), and "My Funny Valentine". It was a great treat to have not only piano, but also bass, drums, and sax as a backup. Arturo of course came, also the Campas, Sandy, Shawna, Avi, Summer, and Robert & Kathy McDuffee--it's been years since we saw them. Chris has already asked me to do another gig with him, on Dec. 4th at University Mall. I hope we can continue to collaborate because it's nice to do these little things in between all the work to put together (in the words of Ed Sullivan) "a really big shew".

My book club pick for December is "The World According to Garp" and I have to say I'm very pleased. It's a wonderful book, an old favorite, and full of great themes to discuss. I'm going to have to try hard to shut up during the meeting!

Diana broke up with Griffin a couple of weeks ago. He's been seeing someone else....the classic guy problem. She's handled it pretty well, with far fewer hysterics than I might have expected. Perhaps that's because le tout Durham knew about it almost right away, because Diana herself posted the news on Facebook. I don't know; maybe it was therapeutic for her, but I think it's just plain crazy. Why advertise that your boyfriend was two timing you? But then again, I'm not one of the Facebook generation......I think I was part of the Pepsi Generation......

Off to bed for me! A long day today (gym, lunch with Sandy, menu planning, food shopping) followed by a longer day tomorrow (Thanksgiving meal prep, cooking) so I'd better rest up.

Catching up

2008-11-12T11:51:00.002-05:00

It's been a while since I've posted, but this is a new venture for me and I still need to form good habits about remembering. Anyway, here's what's new:

Worked yesterday (Veteran's Day). Good news: 12 hours of holiday pay! Bad news: we were REALLY busy. Don't all those surgeons and patients out there realize that one is supposed to stay home and relax on holidays?
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Sunday the 9th was our neighborhood's annual Art Walk. There were 5 people exhibiting at our house, including me and Diana. Diana's hand beaded jewelry was really beautiful and she displayed it so nicely. I sold a lot of scarves, a few notecards, and 4 of my CD's! Both of us made a tidy profit for the day. There were probably 200-300 folks who came through the house. The weather couldn't have been better and everyone was in a lighthearted mood. Totally enjoyable.
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We awoke this morning at 8AM to the soothing sound of jackhammers on the front porch. The long-postponed renovations have started! The worst of the noise should be done by this afternoon and with any luck (i.e., if the weather holds) we will have a new, level, unchipped front porch, and front steps that are no longer the deadliest in the neighborhood. We're also getting a new front storm door to replace the one that has been broken for the past two years. Old houses always need some kind of work but the good thing about them is that usually it's not imperative.....I always think to myself, well, the [insert name of problem here] has existed for [insert number] years and the house is still standing, so getting a repair done RIGHT NOW isn't an issue.
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Went to see "W", the Oliver Stone film about our outgoing president, on Monday night. I thought it was somewhat unfocused, as if they couldn't decide if it was going to be a parody, or a comedy, or a drama, or a tragedy. The screenplay kept changing viewpoints. But the characterizations were spot on, especially James Cromwell as "Poppy" George Bush Sr. I think between the election and this movie, I've had my fill of politics for the next little bit.
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Well, that's all the news that's fit to print for now. Write back, fans!
Ellen

What a Red-Letter Day!

2008-11-05T09:44:00.002-05:00

WOW!! First--Happy Birthday Diana! My younger daughter is 20 years old today. She's off to school and work but I know she will be celebrating with her friends tonight and with us over the weekend. She's smart and gorgeous and responsible and a credit to herself, her community, and her family on every front. Blessings and love on your curly head, my dear child.

And, WOW!! An Obama victory. Who'da thunk it? I am awed and amazed and deeply, deeply grateful that my children enter their majority in a United States that has demonstrably turned the political corner. To add to the astonishment of the day, right now Obama has a very slim (c. 10,000 votes out of c. 4,000,000 cast) lead over McCain right here in North Carolina. The state hasn't officially been "called" yet, which means our 15 electoral votes are still unassigned, but I am keeping my fingers crossed that the recount holds up and we finally "go blue". Icing on the cake. Plus, both houses of Congress safely in Democratic hands.....a slam dunk all around.

Only 36 hours til voting starts

2008-11-02T22:20:00.003-05:00

The Durham Herald-Sun reported this morning that nearly 60% of registered Durham County voters had taken advantage of early voting. That's incredible!! There have been plenty of years where the voter turnout was an abysmal 20-25% total--that is, after election day. I am keeping my fingers crossed that not only do we achieve at least 75% turnout, but that for the first time since 1976 and Jimmy Carter, North Carolina's electoral votes go to the Democratic candidate.

Will someone explain exactly why John McCain went on "Saturday Night Live" and essentially made fun of himself? Since when does this make good politics?

It was a gorgeous weekend. Arturo and I went to see the exhibit at Duke's Nasher Museum of Art, called "El Greco to Velasquez". The museum was really crowded but it was worth it to see this incredible collection. I need to find a biography of El Greco; I wonder if art historians have figured out why his portrayal of humans was so peculiarly elongated and distorted. I seem to recall there was speculation he might have had a visual defect in some way, but I can't remember exactly. Whatever it was, it still seems so modern, which is amazing since the paintings are 400 years old. One of the signs said Picasso was inspired by El Greco, and it's easy to see the transfer of artistic influence.

TTFN!

Sweeney Todd at Duke

2008-11-02T09:46:00.002-05:00

Sondheim's incredible musical was given a great treatment by the members of Duke's "Hoof & Horn" troupe. The set was really well done, the musicians navigated the tricky score admirably, and the cast was very good. For me, the hardest part was not singing along! The kid who played Anthony had great stage presence and a winning voice. Joanna was the weakest of the leads. Scott Cruikshank gave Sweeney the right amount of menace and insanity, and his diction was extraordinarily good, considering the vast thicket of words he has to get out. Mrs. Lovett's songs were all taken a tad too fast, which compromised her ability to enunciate, plus her vocal "break" seemed to lie right in the middle of some of her big songs, which was too bad. But her acting was tops and she got more laughs than anyone else. Thank goodness that people are still doing productions of "Sweeney" and have not been put off by the Johnny Depp movie debacle, which sacrificed musical integrity for gore on the box office altar.

Quite an enjoyable way to spend a part of the Halloween weekend. Here's a link to a review of the production, which appeared in The Independent:
http://www.indyweek.com/gyrobase/Content?oid=oid%3A267951

Halloween 2008

2008-11-02T09:39:00.002-05:00

It was the usual mayhem on Durham's W. Club Boulevard, with hundreds of trick-or-treaters parading up and down our neighborhood's main street. We borrowed a "clicker" from a friend (thanks, Alan!) and officially clocked 790 who trekked up to our door. The total included one Sarah Palin (who had Saks Fifth Avenue shopping bags for her goodies, a nice touch; she also advised us not to give any candy to her compatriots because SHE was a maverick and they weren't), a few Joe the Plumbers, and a huge assortment of superheroes, ninjas, and ghouls (boys) and fairy princesses (girls). Diana did herself proud with pumpkin carving--Barack Obama and Joe Biden graced our porch and garnered many astonished compliments. (Photos to follow.) The Durham police were out keeping everyone safe, the weather cooperated, and the 20 year old tawny port that Arturo uncorked kept the grownups in a celebratory mood. A good night all around!

Here's a link to a story in the Raleigh News & Observer about Halloween in our hood:
http://www.newsobserver.com/news/durham/durham/story/1276038.html